A single well-put question is often more powerful than pages of argument for or against a position.
Today, two friends of mine got into a heated argument (when the hard feelings from our last major fracas had barely begun to fade) over the term "meritocracy." One person expressed a sentiment favoring meritocracy over our current system. The other thought we already had meritocracy, especially in politics, in the form of popularity. They went back and forth on this for some time.
The entire matter could have been avoided if someone had just asked "what do you mean by merit?" Instead of arguing for or against, they could have properly defined their terms, and gone forward with a more civil discussion of whether we should value experience and skill, and how perceived value fits into the equation.
We often don't know what our opponent is thinking, which itself can be frightening to admit. Even when the difference is simply due to imprecisions of language, we can't be sure just what our opponent will throw at us. Primate brains don't like not knowing, especially when those same primate brains evolved in environments where losing arguments usually meant death or status loss.
Try to remember that your friends (probably) won't kill you if they win a minor debate. Instead, see if you can figure out what they're getting at. Both of you just might learn something new.
